About

My earliest encounter with the occult or esoteric that I can recall was when I read the manga Zodiac P.I. in 5th grade. There, I was introduced to Western Astrology and the relation between constellations and adorable chibi characters each with a unique personality. From there I found my way onto peak early 2000's Flash websites with modern pop sun sign astrology aimed at tween girls. (The real girlies remember Zodiac Girlz.) At the time, I was deep into my first puberty fueled crush on a Sagittarius boy and I clung to the websites that told me that he and I made a *perfect* match. My interest fizzled once I found out he had a crush on someone else and was gradually replaced with Runescape and other more stimulating PC games.

Time marched on and I grew into an angry, arrogant, spiritually-bankrupt teenage atheist. I stayed this way for longer than I'd like to admit, but by my twentith birthday I had shifted into a softer agnostic with a moral compass, who was at least willing to entertain the existence of a higher power, but not so willing as to adopt any belief whole-heartedly. It wasn't until 2018 that I came upon occult teachings by virtue of a spiritual crisis signposted by several synchronistic experiences. This mostly amounted to being bombarded with a shitload of angel numbers that were hard to ignore while my entire life and self-concept blew up in my face. In 2019, I received a handful of readings from tarot readers and astrologers, each of which had the uncanny ability to speak directly to my personal experience and accurately predict the future. As I listened to multiple strangers describe me and my life with precision and as the events they had foresaw began to unfold one by one, skepticism yeilded to belief, and belief begat faith.

In the excitement of my revelation and desire to supplant my previously lost identity with a new ~spiritual~ one, I made the rookie mistake of spending too much money on way too many cool rocks, tarot decks and Wicca-esque playthings. (Many of which still sit tidily in a box in my closet awaiting my command just in case I ever wanna get *~fancy~* with it.) One thing I did do right, besides hunting for repurposed altar paraphernalia at thrift stores instead of buying something brand new, was to read anything and everything I could get my hands on and try on every modality I came into conctact with on for size. I remember feeling an astonishing familiarity while acquainting myself with what was obstensively new material. Within a few short months I had buried myself up to my neck in half read books while a soul recognition flooded into my awareness.

In the flurry of my avid research and spiritual consumerism, I found a friend in divination, namely, tarot and astrology. One of my first practices was pulling a daily tarot card. I like to call tarot my *~woo~* 'gateway drug' since it's accessibility allowed me continue seeking spiritual guidance by attuning to my internal compass. Astrology, on the otherhand, gave me a deep appreciation for the complexity and perfection of all of creation; A cosmic context was granted for things as small as my temper and the flush of my face, and as big as the ending of empires and war. These divinatory arts are beautiful tools that balance healing and practicallity. Without the guide posts gifted to me by divination, I would have stayed lost in my own darkness only God knows how long. Soon, I felt the call to offer my services to others to give them the same gift I received from other diviners. I hung up my shingle as a tarot reader and astrologer in 2021 and started doing readings publically. That's when dead folks started talking to me and I began to pursue mediumship.

Up until this point, I've left out the personal details of my life, but it would be awkward and difficult to omit how I connected to mediumship. So this is where I tell you that my little brother, Eddie, died in 2020. The unexpected passing of my little brother brought me to a depth of emotion I had never experienced. As I passed through the vortex of grief and loss, I was suddenly granted a vivid connection to someone on the other side. After his death, I was contacted multiple times by passed loved ones during my tarot readings for clients, and most prominently, I had visitation dreams from Eddie. He led me on a journey to learn how to listen to spirit and find a deeper meaning in my passion for the metaphysical. Prior, my investigations beyond the veil were a shallow and intellectual pursuit until grief stripped me bare. No longer were the beings and entities I read about concepts in my mind to dissect for pleasure, but real, if not breathing, and alive with consciousness like myself. I am forever grateful to my brother for opening a gateway of empathy and compassion for all beings, physcial or otherwise. I began practicing mediumship at the end of 2023 and it's the bedrock of my spiritual devotion to this day.

That is the story of how I fell down the rabbit hole of spirituality and the esoteric. It has lead me to and through some of the darkest times of my life, completely rewriting my understanding of the world around me and my life's purpose. Once this door was opened, I soon realized there was no going back and I could no longer walk the path I had for a decade. It completely radicalized my sense of being and at times I wish I could stick my head in the sand and forget again. It has required me to learn how to hold contridiction without splitting in two. At any given time, I have full fatih in and am profoundly confused by my own cosmology. Everytime I come to a point where I think I know something, something falls in my path that humbles me and keeps me questioning. If there's one thing that I've learned it's that the seeking is more important than getting the right answer.